FEAR

Fear is one facet of our flawed and complicated human nature. We humans have myriad issues that we contend with on a regular basis, but fear is a recurring emotion. If fear were classified as genus in the family of human nature, then insecurity would be a species...

The other day, in an email, John mentioned that I am insecure. (He wasn't being mean.) It wasn't the first time I had heard that, either. It's true; I am. I have an annoying habit of making an assertion, and then quickly retracting it, or qualifying it, or apologizing for it. I believe that it is borne out of fear. I am afraid of being wrong when I was sure I was right, or stupid when I thought I was being funny. I am afraid of sticking my foot in my mouth in a spate of nervous verbal diarrhea, or of appearing arrogant when I'm really just trying to be confidant. I am afraid...ah, hell, it's a long, dull list.

And I don't think I am the only one who has this issue. Most people I know are insecure about something. I don't blame John for pointing it out; his reasoning is sound. Why would I be insulted? Our friends want the best for us, don't they? Fact is, it's good to have someone call bullshit on us.

So why do we have little pockets of insecurity tucked away in our consciences, only to reveal themselves at odd and unwelcome moments, like...roaches? Or political pundits?

These little insecurity roaches are our worst little personal fears. These small yet powerful fears are deeply embedded in our psyches, deposited like little roach eggs, waiting to hatch and scramble around making everything feel dirty. And while I believe that I or anyone else could dig down and find where these little eggs were laid, it really doesn't do us any good to do that. At some point, there was incubation and hatching, and now, as adults, we must deal with the full-grown dirty little roaches.

Unfortunately, I have not yet found a magic fumigator to rid myself of all my roaches. And alas, just as I think I've just about stomped one of the little suckers flat, I discover that it's gone and laid a few more eggs that are just hatching! This is maddening, an ongoing battle, but the upside is that we have our friends and our loved ones to yell out, "EEK! A roach! Kill it!" And with any luck, you'll get the little sucker, or maybe that friend or loved one will join you in the attack and help you smash the little buggers until you are pest-free.

Alternatively, our enemies are prone to just shine light on our little roach-fears, causing them (or us) to scurry into the dark corners, only to emerge again later, fatter and feistier. This isn't helpful, and it isn't done out of love.

Thank God for friends that want to help you stomp those little suckers, and a pox upon the enemies that just want to expose them. Perhaps our collective consciousness should be our guide to understand that we all share similar fears, to varying degrees, and we should surround ourselves with people who want to help us stomp them out, to mutual benefit.