Fear III

It was my idea, this subject of fear, which would imply that I had much to say on the subject. However, like John said, the task has become daunting. In avoidance of becoming too self-indulgent with my ramblings, I have become almost completely mute on the subject.

Odd. Odd because in reality, fear is one of my biggest issues. Along with guilt and insecurity, I embody the trifecta of basic human, emotional problems. And they are all made up in my head.

So I looked up the definition of fear, and, paraphrased, it is the emotional reaction of anxiety, agitation, or concern that we generate when encountered with a threat, real or imagined.

Real or imagined...I suspect that the imagined threats are the most profound ones. Real threats are understood, and reactions to them predictable. But the threats we make up in our heads cause us to act, react, or not act every day.

Could not fear, then, be one of the greatest motivators in our lives? Does not fear dictate our next maneuver? Can we not boil it all down to some fear: fear of death, fear of growing old, fear of change, fear of staying the same, fear of confrontation and anger, fear of losing friends, fear of intimacy, fear of vulnerability, fear of...?

At least, that's how it is for me. And the funny thing about it is, if and when I do conquer a fear, it goes unnoticed, uncongratulated, unacknowledged - because it was my fear that I made up in my own head. No one else saw the problem I was having, nor did anyone even have an inkling that there could have or should have been a problem. I just finally did what I needed to do.

Our fears are private, and if we choose to reveal them to someone, we feel exposed and raw. Regardless, though, of whether or not we let anyone into our inner sanctum of flawed psyche, we alone are responsible for overcoming. We alone fight the battles, and we alone congratulate ourselves when we win one.

Possibly, for me, it's the alone part that scares me the most.